i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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