In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
