seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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