u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
