He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize