the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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