Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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