Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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