We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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