This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
