his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
