God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
