trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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