My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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