i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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