Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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