Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
