I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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