You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
