when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
