I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
