now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
