maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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