i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
