I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
