Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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