She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
