Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize