I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
