I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
