Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize