And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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