I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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