So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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