oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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