Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
