she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize