I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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