I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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