Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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