I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i out mim tonsoeep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
