you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
