"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
