I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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