i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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