My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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