He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize