I wish I could punch you in the face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
