If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
