i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
