before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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