he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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