i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
