Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
