I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize