You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize