I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
