the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
