They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
