Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
did i just pee glitter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
