Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
