But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
