i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
