Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
