hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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