I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
