I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
