So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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