You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
