she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
