i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
