my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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