sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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