There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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