Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
