My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We're too hungover to prance.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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