I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
