yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
