So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
