I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
