guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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