I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
