Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
