why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
