I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
