If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
