Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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