I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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