Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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