I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
