Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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