when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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