cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
