please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
