she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
