the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
