The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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