C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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