Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
