I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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