I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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