Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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