Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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