You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
