I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
