ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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