I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
