4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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